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Submissiveness in marriage


  The topic of women being submissive in marriage has been one that has drawn a lot of negative reactions from women in recent years. I believe this could be as a result of bad leadership from some men, the influence of social media on relationships, differences in eras in relation to women’s progression in the work force or society amongst other reasons. However, this topic is a sensitive one and one that goes beyond couple of reasonings that may fuel the negative connotations. 

Couple of months ago, I had a conversation with a colleague who is a woman and our discussion centred on roles of women and men in a marriage. She argued that women and men are equal in a marriage and there is nothing as submissiveness that should be expected from a woman and that the man is not the leader or head of the household. So is this true? Are these the feelings or sentiment shared by women in marriages or those seeking to be in marriages?

Although, I believe that God is the author of marriage and that men are the heads of the household, I believe that some men have failed women in marriages which has led to these feelings and emotions in women today. 

For a woman to be submissive to a man, the woman has to first understand what submission or being submissive means or looks like. For a woman to submit, a man has to lead right. And for a man to lead right, a man must first know what leadership by a man as ordained by God actually looks like in a relationship. 

Contrary to the societal definition (fuelled by feminism) of submission to be an object steered in any direction by men, submission simply means understanding that both the man and woman, being different and not equal, share different roles that aim to achieve a single goal. Submission also means acceptance that the man is the head of the house and that the woman is the backbone of the house. The man leads while the woman maintains and supports the home. However, for this to happen organically, the man has to lead the proper way. 

For a man to lead correctly, he has to have an understanding of who he is and what his values are, as well as his beliefs. A man who lacks understanding of the aforementioned cannot lead himself or another. So how does a man know how to lead? It is important to point out that since women can be indecipherable, no man can lead a woman off his own knowledge or understanding. Therefore, leadership in marriage comes from God. Leadership in marriage comes from asking God for wisdom to instil the appropriate leadership in marriage. 

It is fair to say that men need to step up and lead properly. Leadership comes from having a self identity - knowing your values or beliefs. Having a mentor or reading books and literature on leadership are also great ways to activate leadership qualities and/or skills. 

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