Relationships - you make it or break it!

If you have read any of my blogs, you would know how I always emphasize the importance of relationships in our existence. Relationships not only gives meaning to our existence, but it also drives our daily routine and life. Our survival, adaptation and ability to exercise our emotions all stem from our engagements in different relationships. Therefore, it is safe to say that relationships play a key role in our lives. Every relationship we form with people is imperative to our growth as an individual, because those relationships in my many ways depicts who we are as a person. Our relationships with others may be important but the most important relationship we could ever form is the one we have with ourselves. Although, this is the most important relationship and the one that requires most of our energy and intentions towards building, it is the one we shy away from the most. We go into relationships with many people without actually having a proper understanding of who we are as a p...

 I spent some time with my mum today. We talked about a lot of things that revolved around me and life in general. The topic of marriage came up and we talked about how marriage and the idea of marriage had evolved over the years. Marriage back in her time and that of her parents or grand parents were based on the very basic things that mattered back then. Men chose to marry women who were polite, had a nice smile or simply just because they came from a good, reputable family. Those were the simpler times. Times when the parameters set for a mate can be argued to have been based on quality over quantity. Nowadays, marriage is a whole different ball game.  I believe everyone knows that marriage is a union of two souls to become one. However, some people going into marriage don't understand that it is a not a transactional relationship but one that is meant to collectively pull singular resources together to achieve an expected goal. This is because some women believe that the m...

This month has been a tough one for me since I have been called on by various friends to be there as a support or as an advice lender to get them through one situation or the other leaving me in a state of not knowing what to post for this month as a blog. So here goes nothing. Hopefully, the following paragraph of sentences blesses someone. Remember when we were little children and we craved adulthood so much that we hated the idea of being called kids or children. When our parents would say things like, "let me help you get dressed or let me help you with your bath" , we would reply, "I can do it myself". I'm a big boy /girl or simply, I'm big now were the phrases that followed suit. No one could blame us because adults seemed cool. It only seemed like they got it all figured out and knew something we did not know. They seemed grounded in life and were able to manouver through life with great poise. Little did we know that we had misjudged the book...

Happiness is a commodity of life, we humans strive to purchase at all cost. In some cases, we are stuck on it, feed on it and have withdrawal symptoms from running low or out of it. If we were to define happiness or put it in a sentence, we would say that happiness is the instant effect of realization or actualization. In other words, happiness is achieved when a goal or task is accomplished. Happiness, however is commonly mistaken or misinterpreted by us humans and therefore utilised wrongfully in our relationships with each other. Most people who are single, when asked what they look for in a mate, state that they want someone who make them happy. Also, people who are in a relationship, when asked what they like about their mate, usually state that he or she makes them happy. However, this is far from the truth. This is because no one has the power to make you happy. The truth is that you are responsible for your own happiness. Yes, people can be agents of helping you achieve your ha...

Single parenting is one of the hardest, if not the hardest responsibility one can take on because it involves sacrifice, time, and other factors that come in play with this great task. I can attest to this not because I'm a single parent but because for most of my life, I was raised by my mother. I saw first hand what she went through to mold me into the man I am now. That being said, I have the most respect for single parents who are dedicated in raising their children. Although, single parenthood is as difficult and time tasking as I aforementioned, single parents deserve love and as such engage in dating. When it comes to dating, we can all agree that both parties need to understand where each other is coming from in order for the relationship to work. This also applies to single parents and who they decide to date. Over the years, the percentage of women or men who are single parents has increased about 60 percent from 1976 till date. This means in today 's society, it is...

Sex is an integral part of a relationship between couples. Some may describe it as the it factor in a relationship because it enables couples reconnect and recalibrate to proceed in the relationship with a reinvigorated mindset and approach. In my previous blogs, I have stressed the significance of relationships and how they are underpinnings in our existence. Sex, on the other hand is fundamental and the only reason behind our existence. In other words, relationships came before sex and sex catalysed more relationships. Since it involves more than one person to have sex, it is important for each person to know what the other likes or does not like in the bedroom. As the saying goes, ladies first, this blog seeks to discuss what women want or like in the bedroom. Now that the background information regarding sex and how it relates to relationships has been highlighted, let us unfold the intent of the blog. Women are emotional beings and as such are influenced by emotions in their...

You have probably heard women say that qualities they want in a man they'd love to be theirs are tall, dark and handsome. One other quality that women also say they want in a man is an established man. This quality does not make waves like the rest, maybe because it's kind of expected that a man be established before looking to settle down with a woman. However, this remains but a fantasy to women because in reality, there are few women that can cope with an established man. They love the theory of having an established man in their lives but when it comes down to it and are somehow given the chance to turn that fantasy into reality, they shy away from it. In most instances, men who are established know what they want and may seem to favour what women want in a man but it comes with some baggage. A man that knows what he wants has principles and habits that have helped achieve him success. It can paint these type of men as being stubborn, defiant or inflexible. Women are not hi...

As you know, friends are great influencers of our growth as human beings. In other words, your friends have the power to make or break you.. This is because you let them in to your life and give them access to your secrets and pieces of information that others do not have. Forming a friendship with someone else is important as it helps to give you insight on how to deal with issues in your current or future love relationships. Due to the significance of the role that friends play in one's life, it is important to carefully select friends that will promote your growth as an individual or person rather than the opposite. My previous blog talks about success and how it can affect friendships since some friends are built or destined for a particular phase in your life. So how do you identify friends that are tailored to your growth or life goals? You test them. It is important to test the people who are close to you. Asking questions or making requests that can assist in identifying ...

Success is what everyone wants. It is what everybody craves and chases. We seek to gain a fraction of success in every thing we do. From waking up to making an impact at work that gets you recognition or hoping to do well in a course at school, success is all anyone thinks of and hopes for in our world today.  Achieving success is the reason we have role models in our lives. We model our actions and decisions after these people with the hope of being like or even better than them. However, people tend to forget that achieving success comes with a price that in most instances seem difficult to pay. The path to success mostly does encounter loneliness,  betrayal and doubts. To be actually successful or gain success in anything, we need to sacrifice few things in order to gain the greater good.  Our sacrifice to achieve success may interfere with the friendships we have built over the years.  Some friends can put you in a position to choose between continuing on the pat...

Marriage is not only sacred but instrumental  to the union of a man and woman who have made the decision to commit to one another irregardless of any situation that may arise. Well at least that is my philosophy when it comes to marriage.  When two people enter a long-term relationship, in most cases it leads to marriage.  Most people use marriage and wedding interchangeably because they are similar. However it is important to note that both are different.  A marriage involves the decision and commitment of the relationship while a wedding is the celebration of that marriage.  It is an amazing and beautiful spectacle when you walk down the street or arrive at a place and opportuned to see an old couple who you happen to discover have been married for multiple years.  It depicts love as a lifestyle with underpinnings carved into the wavelengths of eternal and true feelings. I was having a conversation with a friend when getting married to the right person ca...

What do women want from a man? This is a common question men normally ask when it comes to dating.  Men always say no one can figure out what a woman is thinking or what a woman wants.  Remember the 2000 romantic movie, what women wants, when Mel Gibson an advertising executive acquires the power to hear the thoughts of women. Well, in reality men don't have that luxury to know the thoughts of women to know what they want.  However, I think I have a good idea of what women need from a man.  So, listen up boys as I highlight the top 4 things a woman needs from a man.  Women always drool over the tall, dark and handsome man fantasy. Although that is a deal breaker for most if not all women, most women do not get married to those type of men. Rather women are more interested in other qualities. I think the most important quality  women need from a man is respect.  Now respect is an umbrella term that includes loyalty, honesty  and fairness. A woman w...

A little over a week ago, I was involved in a conversation with a friend of mine who showed me a thread of Instagram posts. These posts centered on the idea that men married women that were available at the time these men were ready to settle down rather than women they are in love with.  This seemed interesting to me and got me thinking.  Is there some truth to this? Do i think it applies to all men? Yes I think there's some truth to it and no i do not think it applies to all men. I believe there are significant number of men that do fall in love with the girl they marry and there are some men who get married based on availability. Human beings are beings of choices and preferences.  Both men and women have qualities that they want in a mate be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Since, we do not live in a perfect world where we get everything we want or need, we prioritize our preferences in a mate and choose the things we need versus the things we want when ...

An avid reader writes, "I have been with this guy for over 2 years and lately he has not been into me as he normally used to be. Is he cheating on me? Should I confront him?    First I'd like to apologize on not replying to your question earlier than now. I believe when you said he has not been into you as he normally used to be, you mean there's a distancing or disconnect from how things used to be. It is understandable that you feel that he could be cheating on you. However, that may not be the case. There are a lot of contributing factors to the issue at hand. 1) He may be going through something in his life that has his attention. Stress from other areas of life or adjusting to new life situations may be a contributing factor to his new behavior.  2) You two may be dissociated emotionally in some ways that need to be addressed. There may be areas in your relationships that may not be the greatest that needs some attention. The result of those attention seek...

An avid reader sent me a message days ago on on social media and asked me the duration of a relationship before it should materialize into marriage. It is a great dating question and i thought i make it into a blog for this month (since February is termed love month). When two people go into a relationship, the expectation is that it ends in marriage or some sort of longtime union especially if they are both marriage ready. When I say marriage ready, I mean they are both mature in age and have some sort of financial or career stability. So back to the question, how long does it take for a relationship to mature into marriage?  Well, it is dependent on three factors.  It depends on the two individuals, where they are at in life and where they are at in the relationship.  The two individuals have to be in sync and be at the same point mentally and emotionally to consider getting married to each other. They also have to be where they want to be in life to be ready to conver...

Dearest you, When I embarked on the journey of writing blogs, it was just my way of putting my thoughts on paper. Well in this case on the net.  It was a little way of me connecting with everyone around the world.  I was nervous writing/posting my first blog (she won't call him handsome) not because of lack of ideas or my writing, but merely about how it would be received by readers.  My first blog which I posted in May of 2016 received tremendous reviews from colleagues, friends and strangers who continue to be avid readers. For the love you've shown me, I want to thank you all. I appreciate all of you.  It has been a great year for me although I still want to achieve more and gain greater heights in 2018. Can you believe it's already December? It sure feels like it was just yesterday when we were wishing people good tidings of the New Year. The year started out with me taking the lead on organizing a donation drive for two charities at my workplace to help the le...

As a little African boy who grew up in the motherland, my mother instilled me with numerous ideals, beliefs and values. One of those values that pertains to this month's blog is tidying the inner places of the house.  I remember those Saturday mornings when my mom would wake me up while I was deep in sleep.  The birds were chirping, the sun was still rising and the cool breeze from the palm trees blew gently through the open windows.   I always asked to get more sleep but she would always decline and say, "son, we have got a lot to do today". So after praying and a quick breakfast, we embarked on this little adventure of cleaning every corner of the house. I always loved music so I remember listening and bopping to songs on the radio as I helped my mom clean the house. Back in those days, there was no vacuum cleaner so we would use brooms and dust packers. I was always proud when I swept up a big mold of dust and I will always run to my mom and show it to her. She wo...

Donald Trump, a known business man and TV personality is the 45th president of the United States of America. I remember being in a state of shock when he won the election last year and was inaugurated into office earlier this year.  Since the inception of his government, he has been controversial in his comments, actions and leadership style. This has caused a lot of hateful comments and criticism from celebrities.  Recent controversial comments from Trump include the racist comments regarding NFL players, belittling and preachy comments on Puerto Rico, Harvey Weinstein and Bob Corker. Trump's administration has brought about feelings of hate and disgust in people to the point that people have marched out in streets in protests as a means to voice their feelings. Although Donald Trump is a little child in an adult body because of his leadership judgment, mannerisms, choice of words and actions, he is just what America needs. This is because he is the most successful American p...

Besides holding a newborn baby or getting a load of it's smile, being with someone you love and care about is the most beautiful thing you can experience in your life. The honeymoon period filled with the barrage of pet names, the calls, the texts, the holding of hands, and kissing in public while ignoring stares from people. Being in a relationship is fulfilling and is part of our growth not just as social beings but as individuals. As I have penned down in previous blogs, relationships involve hard work and commitment. It entails putting up with someone else that might have different behaviors, characteristics and habits that may not always align well with yours.  It involves placing that person's needs above yours in some instances.  In other words, relationships are part-time jobs/probation periods that sometimes lead to full-time jobs/marital life. As beautiful as a relationship can be, sometimes it turns sour and has to end for both parties to lead a happy life. Many cou...

I had different topics that i wanted to discuss for this month's blog but i have struggled with this topic for a long period of time. I have seen it, heard it and lived it so i figured it is the best time to talk about it. Black people are the most talented and resourceful race in the world. We dominate sports, television, movies and music etc.  We are blessed with the intellect, creativity, mental and physical strength to accomplish set goals. However, we still are yet to progress as a people. We still wallow in mental and physical poverty. You'd think that with those innate qualities and talents, we'd be untouchable in making wealth but we are not. So what is the problem? Where did we go wrong as a people? Well the problem started many years ago when the first black person became a slave. We all know how the events of the slave trade era so I won't bore you with the details because this blog is not about slave trade. With all these innate qualities that makes us uniqu...

Last month's blog discussed the role of a man in a relationship. What a man should do or needs to do when in a relationship. It was one of my favorite blogs to write and I suggest you read it if you are yet to do so. This month's blog focuses on what a woman needs to do or should be doing in a relationship. In short, it will discuss the role of a woman in a relationship. So what is a woman's role? Well a woman is an accessory to a man. In other words, a man is not complete without the right woman for him. Consider a man who is wearing a suit with no shoes, tie, belt and so on. That man looks good from a POV but as a whole, desperately is in need of accessories to complete his ensemble. This does not mean that a man cannot exist without a woman.  He sure can but without the presence of the right woman in his life, he leads an incomplete one. The importance of a woman in a relationship cannot be overstated. A woman's role in a relationship is to help the man and add subst...