I spent some time with my mum today. We talked about a lot of things that revolved around me and life in general. The topic of marriage came up and we talked about how marriage and the idea of marriage had evolved over the years. Marriage back in her time and that of her parents or grand parents were based on the very basic things that mattered back then. Men chose to marry women who were polite, had a nice smile or simply just because they came from a good, reputable family. Those were the simpler times. Times when the parameters set for a mate can be argued to have been based on quality over quantity. Nowadays, marriage is a whole different ball game.
I believe everyone knows that marriage is a union of two souls to become one. However, some people going into marriage don't understand that it is a not a transactional relationship but one that is meant to collectively pull singular resources together to achieve an expected goal. This is because some women believe that the man is there to give and give. Some women see the man as the sole provider in the relationship while hanging on the equality philosophy. Some men also view women as their mothers i.e cater to them as a help or maid. Both philosophies are archaic, not progressive and unacceptable. Marriage is not a transactional relationship or one that should be one-sided.
There are many reasons that divorce is on the rise nowadays, however, a mostly recurring reason is not having a great foundation before getting married or being able to grasp the real purpose of marriage before delving into one. The idea of getting married to someone may indicate maturity to the onlooker but it is only maturity if the two parties involved understand fully the onus that comes with a marriage. Some only seem to focus on the celebratory or highlights of marriage i.e the wedding ceremony, the wedding dresses, the showing off of being married to others who may not be and everything else that may not involve the concrete realities that make up a matrimonial union.
Marriage is hard work. It is no child's play. It is a commitment and a union that is built on the foundation of love, communication, trust, loyalty and teamwork. Most people understand the four aforementioned foundational pieces but few have a full understanding of the fifth foundational piece. You hear the common phrase, marriage is 50/50. This is basically stating that the woman and man involved in the marriage needs to always put in 50 percent of their efforts and input into the union to keep the relationship maintained and functional.
Although, the math of 50/50 from each party equals 100, this is just a lazy and uneducated approach or mindset to have when considering the matrimonial union. The idea of marriage is a couple, with each party complementing each other and both reaching the goal of a 100. Marriage is about teamwork and as such means that during a period of time, the man may do 60 to 70 percent of the work while the woman does 30 to 40 percent and other times, the woman does 60 to 70 percent while the man does 30 to 40 percent of the work. Now some women read the first part of the previous sentence with a smile and the latter with a frown because society has labelled men as the providers while the same society states women should be equated to men. To this I say that the union is between the two parties and not based on societal ideals. The goal of marriage is for the couple to hit the target of 100 at any given time. The reality of marriage is one that may bring along situations where one of the two parties may have to carry most of the weight of the two for a period of time till the other is in a better situation financially, emotionally or mentally.
It is imperative to note that marriage is a huge responsibility and not something to take on when you are not ready for it. It is definitely not advisable to rush into one as it mostly leads to rushing out of one. Marriage is a process and getting into it should also go through a process as well. Marriage is successful if communication and teamwork between both parties are in sync. Getting married is only an achievement only when it is done right and for the right reasons for it is better for one to remain single or never get married than get married for the wrong reasons.
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